You hear it all the time: "Daddy would let me" or "Mommy is never mean to me like you are." So how do you deal with having completely different parenting styles without compromising your values or coming across to your children like you're always "the bad guy?" Here are some tips for establishing your own authority even when the other parent continually gives in to the kids or doesn't subscribe to your style of parenting.
Stay Calm
Whether your children are genuinely expressing a simple observation about your different parenting styles, or are intentionally attempting to manipulate you into giving in to their desires, stay calm and avoid getting into a battle over the validity of your expectations. Remember, too, that your rules aren't necessarily "better" than the other parent's rules--they're just different.
Set Ground Rules
You can make it easier for your children to adjust to varying expectations by being clear about your rules. Sit down and have a family meeting with your children to outline your expectations, and post your ground rules in a clearly visible location, so that you can easily refer to them when needed. In addition, have confidence that your children are capable of learning what is expected of them in dual settings. For the most part, they've already shown that ability by learning what's expected of them at school or daycare, and expecting them to master a different set of rules The question is, is the bar too high for them to reach?
Follow Through
Remember that all of your power as a parent lies in your determination to consistently follow through on your own rules and expectations. When you let things slide, you give your kids a window of opportunity, through which they will be able to manipulate you in the future. As long as you are clear about your expectations, following through with appropriate consequences is not too harsh. On the contrary, that kind of consistency and stability is exactly what your kids need.
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