I am sure many parents face a simular issue, so recently there has been conflict in regards on how to raise our children. We were raised very different and that is where the difference comes into play. Of course you may say that boys will be boys but the horse play really needs to stop, Kristian is getting to the age where he takes every action and runs with it so if he see's it at home assume he will do it to a poor child in the playground at school. How can you differenciate the difference for what is okay to do at home and at school? Can you? I don't think so, but who am I??? I am the one that gets the call mid afternoon telling me that Kristian tackled someone in the playground. So what am I suppose to tell the teacher, please call John he is the one that plays rough with him...
So this is a pretty sore subject at home as when I tell John HOW to play with Kristian he gets really offensive and says I know how to raise a child! What did you take a course, or better yet are teaching him what you were taught because if that is the case then there is no hope for my poor children. I recall making mention that he was raised by a pack of wolves, if not that is how I refer to his family. So I guess my question is, what is the best way to talk to him about improving his parental skills and that we are not all perfect but he should try different methods of interaction.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Overwhelmed... When do we get a break
Well, I know I started something and then all the sudden I came to a STOP! I needed a break from everything, even though I didn't get the break I truely wanted, I was able to catch up and achieve several things before the Holidays.
Many of you know that I was recently granted an amazing opportunity that really fell into my lap and how was I not going to take advantage of the opportunity. I have been here for over 3 weeks and I am just a BIT overwhemled. I never imagined the responsibility, stress, and headache that I would have once I was in this new position. I guess that's what is in store for trying to save the world. If you can imagine the stress level is pretty high at home and the poor kids are getting put to bed earlier and earlier it seems with out much attention or play time. Thankfully my mom helps me as much as she can but I am the mother and the lady of the house and I am suppose to: tend to the kids, cook, clean, laundry, take care of the dogs... (you get the point)..
I don't know what I am going to do, the best answer I have so far is to 'cowboy my sh)( up and deal with it'.
Was this suppose to happen like this???
Many of you know that I was recently granted an amazing opportunity that really fell into my lap and how was I not going to take advantage of the opportunity. I have been here for over 3 weeks and I am just a BIT overwhemled. I never imagined the responsibility, stress, and headache that I would have once I was in this new position. I guess that's what is in store for trying to save the world. If you can imagine the stress level is pretty high at home and the poor kids are getting put to bed earlier and earlier it seems with out much attention or play time. Thankfully my mom helps me as much as she can but I am the mother and the lady of the house and I am suppose to: tend to the kids, cook, clean, laundry, take care of the dogs... (you get the point)..
I don't know what I am going to do, the best answer I have so far is to 'cowboy my sh)( up and deal with it'.
Was this suppose to happen like this???
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Chore time!
I have gotten many response in regards to me having a favorite in Kristian and not writing about Joshua, the reason is not that I have a favorite is that Joshua is still little enough that there isn’t much going on with him except for the growing milestones of a 6 month old. Honestly HE is the perfect baby eats everything that we make for him (everything is made from scratch no jars for this baby), and he sleeps through the night (you need tips, just ask) and he is always happy even though he loves to pull your hair and anything that may dangle in front of him. Speaking of pulling hair, the other day we were having John in an OUTBURST says “NOOOO, you can’t do that to your little brother he doesn’t understand!” Krisitian’s answer, “Of course he understands he is pulling my hair.” So then it got into this long discussion of WHY? WHY? Why? And we finally gave up, boys will be boys.
I have been taking some time off since I am in transition to another position and let me just tell you I am going stir crazy, the house has been cleaned every day the closet has been rearranged and dinner has been made, I think I have a major case of ‘wiggly worms’ because I can’t stay still. Even though I seem to be coming down with something it is not slowing me down. John is amazed that we are upstairs in bed by 9 pm. Well when you have all day to do things it makes it so much easier to get everyone down and out by 7:30/ 8 that is when the boys go down. Maybe I should stay at home instead of work? Not so much I would go absolutely crazy and I treasure my career and few bucks that I make for my crazy clothes and jewelry obsession to name just a couple. One thing that I love in the morning when John heads out the door at wee hours of the morning is that Kristian comes in and cuddles until its time to get up and out. The routine if finally down to where he knows what chores he needs to do before heading out the door. Chores you say at 3 years old.
Kristian has chores and we make it fun for him so he understands the importance of keeping things neat in order and at the same time he gets a little bit of money.
In the morning, he makes his bed and puts all the recyclables in the proper bin.
In the evening, he takes off his uniform and his shoes (if there are mud on his shoes he cleans them off and wipes them dry). He hangs up his coat and book bag in the closet. Around 5 he feeds the dogs and gives them fresh water. When its dinner time he helps to set the table and pours everyone water and after dinner he helps with putting things in the dishwasher. If it trash day he will help us with the trash bin that needs do go up the hill. By the end of the night he has very little time to watch tv or to play sometimes if we have 30 minutes I will let him choice what he wants to do.
During the weekends we do a bit of laundry and he actually puts them into the different laundry bags (dark, whites, light colored, towels, and sheets). I usually try to work in the garden and he loves to help me plant and rack the leaves.
I know that many parents aren’t for chores at such a young age but I honestly think it will allow them to have a better understanding when they get older.
I have been taking some time off since I am in transition to another position and let me just tell you I am going stir crazy, the house has been cleaned every day the closet has been rearranged and dinner has been made, I think I have a major case of ‘wiggly worms’ because I can’t stay still. Even though I seem to be coming down with something it is not slowing me down. John is amazed that we are upstairs in bed by 9 pm. Well when you have all day to do things it makes it so much easier to get everyone down and out by 7:30/ 8 that is when the boys go down. Maybe I should stay at home instead of work? Not so much I would go absolutely crazy and I treasure my career and few bucks that I make for my crazy clothes and jewelry obsession to name just a couple. One thing that I love in the morning when John heads out the door at wee hours of the morning is that Kristian comes in and cuddles until its time to get up and out. The routine if finally down to where he knows what chores he needs to do before heading out the door. Chores you say at 3 years old.
Kristian has chores and we make it fun for him so he understands the importance of keeping things neat in order and at the same time he gets a little bit of money.
In the morning, he makes his bed and puts all the recyclables in the proper bin.
In the evening, he takes off his uniform and his shoes (if there are mud on his shoes he cleans them off and wipes them dry). He hangs up his coat and book bag in the closet. Around 5 he feeds the dogs and gives them fresh water. When its dinner time he helps to set the table and pours everyone water and after dinner he helps with putting things in the dishwasher. If it trash day he will help us with the trash bin that needs do go up the hill. By the end of the night he has very little time to watch tv or to play sometimes if we have 30 minutes I will let him choice what he wants to do.
During the weekends we do a bit of laundry and he actually puts them into the different laundry bags (dark, whites, light colored, towels, and sheets). I usually try to work in the garden and he loves to help me plant and rack the leaves.
I know that many parents aren’t for chores at such a young age but I honestly think it will allow them to have a better understanding when they get older.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
"Stupid! STUPID! sTuId!"
Kristian is driving me crazy using the “S” word. They’re using the word “stupid” to angrily address parents and siblings. As in, “You’re stupid!” or, “Stupid Mommy!” I imagine that as time goes on, my kids will come into possession of bone fide curse words and I want to get on top of this now. Thank to the little boy 'Michael' at school that just had to stand on the fence my son uses that word on a regular!
First, I’d like to outline my perspective. Children begin using words that raise the hair on the back of our necks after they’ve heard others use those words, or after those words have been aimed at them. Grownups use this kind of language when they’re upset, and the behavior trickles down toward children, usually with the original emotional heat welded to the words. Because harsh behavior spreads like a bad cold from adult to child and then from child to child, just about every child on the planet is exposed to name-calling, or bad words behavior, sooner or later. So it’s not your child’s fault that he has acquired harsh language, any more than it’s his fault that he gets a runny nose.
When children use harsh language, they may not understand what the words mean literally: it’s the tone that makes an imprint on them, and it’s the tone that raises parental warning flags. That electric emotional charge irritates the child’s delicate internal system, and makes the words stick like little globs of muck in their innocent minds. Then, when the child is feeling isolated, threatened or upset, out comes this little pre-fabricated routine of harsh words and a harsh tone, just the way he once heard it. It isn’t what the child really wants to be doing, but he literally can’t think of any other way to signal that he is feeling badly. He’s upset. His behavior says, “See what I’ve been exposed to? It’s nasty and disturbing. I’m going to show you how awful it is.” Then, he gives you a vivid picture of what he’s heard at school or on the street. It’s a cry for help.
If you demand that your child stop, and get angry at him for having this difficulty, he may stop out of fear, but the anger and the fear hamper his intelligence. One more experience of harshness makes it even more likely that he will fall into this behavior again soon. Meeting an upset child with harshness just compounds the tension he’s under. It’s not the best way to go, though generations of parents have given that kind of heated response. The child uses the harsh language silently in his mind, stewing with anger, and it all pops out later, having festered. We’ve all had this experience: “Go ahead. Shut me up now. You’ll pay later,” is the bitter attitude that punishment fosters.
On the other hand, reasoning with a child who’s using bad language doesn’t work that well, either. Reasoning can sometimes work to distract a child for a time, but it doesn’t address the emotional tension he’s harboring, the tension that sets the stage for the harsh behavior. That’s the real cause of his troubles, and it’s that tension that needs to be addressed.
But we definitely do not recommend just letting name-calling behavior go unchecked. It’s frightening to children to have their hurtful behavior ignored, and it wears on everyone in the environment. Some response must be found that honors the goodness of the child, but definitely curbs the harshness.
If you react with upset or anger or sudden outbursts, you won’t have much flexibility with your child until you’ve handled your own storehouse of feelings. There are important questions, the answers to which will help you defuse the situation so that you can be of real help to your child.
Find someone who you can ask to listen to you, simply listen, while you talk about what happens inside of you when harsh language is being used. You don’t need advice. You need someone’s supportive and undivided attention while you explore what’s behind the heat that erupts when your child needs help from you.
That heat comes from some tense experience you have carried forward from your own experience. Were you punished harshly for talking that way? Did you see siblings being punished? What kinds of language did your parents use when they became angry? What’s your history with the exact word your child is using that triggers a big response from you? These questions are important, and answering them may put you in touch with how you felt as a child, how you were treated, and with the longings for closeness and belonging that you had. A good cry or a good laugh will help you relax.
Try to remember: your child is going to turn out all right! He needs some guidance, but you don’t have to worry that a few bad word incidents mean he’s on the road to disaster!
When does your child use these words? What kinds of situations? Right when he comes home from school or daycare? When his siblings are playing with his things? Only around a group of children? When you’ve been busy for the last ten minutes? Fifteen minutes? When he faces a transition? Try to figure out what the situations are that make him feel separate, lonely, or disconnected enough to act harshly. There are clues to places where he loses his confidence in the timing of his behavior. For instance, one child I knew only called names when he came into preschool after a group of children had formed around an activity. Entering the group, he must have felt scared that there wasn’t room for him. So he called his friends names! Once you understand the situations that strain your child’s confidence, try offering support. Here are a couple of ways to do that.
Special Time won’t erase the use of harsh language, but it will make the limits you set work to help relieve your child’s frightened or aggressive behavior. You need to stop the harsh language, but with good will toward your child. You don’t have to pull a serious parental power play every time a child uses a harsh word. You DO need to address that behavior, the very first time it appears. But you don’t have to be the bad guy. It works much better if you assume that your child is tender and loving, and is just trapped underneath some unpleasant bad feelings for the moment. To help him get free, try something like one of the following interventions:
• Good naturedly scoop him up in your arms, and say, “Ahhk! I heard that S-word! I heard you say “S-lovely!” Nuzzle him, cuddle him, see if you can get him laughing with the physical affection you offer him.
• Say, “When you say “Stupid!” I say, “Here comes the Stupid sweeper!” Then, be a silly Stupid Sweeper, lumbering around after him with your arms out, in mock fork-lift fashion, attempting to scoop him up in your arms or throw him over your shoulders and bounce him around a bit.
• Say, “Oooh! I’m going to get anybody who says that Stupid word! Here I come!” and chase him around, taking care not to catch him too soon. When you finally succeed, toss him and wrestle him some, affectionately, with warmth.
Why do this? Because your child is signaling that he can’t think–the use of harsh language means that he can’t feel his connections with anyone in the family. Playing with good humor, getting laughter and affection going, tussling and wrestling and chasing in order to make lively contact without trying to punish, helps a child recover the feeling that it’s good to be in the family. Your protest, goofy as it is, sets a model for protesting when he is called names, or when others are called names and you’re not there to moderate the action. The laughter and physical play will help him relax, offload the bad feelings he’s been carrying, and get oriented to being a cooperative member of the family again. Don’t be surprised if he wants to play “the Stupid Game” over and over again: he can feel the healing action of the laughter and the affection you are offering, and he wants to soak up as much of that as he can. He’s trying to recover from the effects of behavior that has rankled his system. His instincts are good!
Often, a good cry is waiting in the wings for a listener.
If there’s sadness or fear stored underneath his use of harsh language, those feelings will burst forth when you tell him it’s time to stop playing the “Stupid Game,” or when you simply reach over, put your arm around him, and say gently, “I can’t let you say those things to me. What happened to make you want to call me Stupid?”
You don’t always need to respond with humor: sometimes, just moving in, offering eye contact and warmth, and a limit, will help him notice how badly he is feeling underneath. His feelings will make him want to run away, or call you more names, or lash out with fists or feet. Stay nearby, keep him from hurting anyone, and follow him if he leaves. He needs you nearby so that he can feel the possibility of connecting with you. He needs a listener.
When the name-calling happened, he was stunned, and probably frightened. He couldn’t tell anyone how he felt. Now, he has you. Now is the time to pour out the upset and confusion and anger he absorbed. He may aim his upset at you. But if he’s crying, perspiring, or thrashing, your listening is a healing force that’s going to relieve the stored tension that’s behind this behavior. He may not cry right when you stop the name-calling, but find a little excuse five minutes later: his noodles have too much cheese on them, or water has spilled onto his shirt. Don’t quibble with the way he began to cry, no matter how trivial it is. It kicks the door open so he can feel the hurt that throbs and bothers. LISTEN. He’s clearing out the emotional roots of the harsh language kick that he’s been on. When someone was calling him names, or calling his friends names, he didn’t protest, he was too frozen or confused to do so. So now, safe with you, he can finish the protest he would have loved to launch, if he had had support while names were being called.
Listen, be patient, keep directing him gently toward looking again at his cheesy noodles, or at the wet spot on his shirt, but leave lots of time for him to have these big feelings first. He’ll get back to functioning when he’s finished, and you’ll see positive changes in his behavior soon.
First, I’d like to outline my perspective. Children begin using words that raise the hair on the back of our necks after they’ve heard others use those words, or after those words have been aimed at them. Grownups use this kind of language when they’re upset, and the behavior trickles down toward children, usually with the original emotional heat welded to the words. Because harsh behavior spreads like a bad cold from adult to child and then from child to child, just about every child on the planet is exposed to name-calling, or bad words behavior, sooner or later. So it’s not your child’s fault that he has acquired harsh language, any more than it’s his fault that he gets a runny nose.
When children use harsh language, they may not understand what the words mean literally: it’s the tone that makes an imprint on them, and it’s the tone that raises parental warning flags. That electric emotional charge irritates the child’s delicate internal system, and makes the words stick like little globs of muck in their innocent minds. Then, when the child is feeling isolated, threatened or upset, out comes this little pre-fabricated routine of harsh words and a harsh tone, just the way he once heard it. It isn’t what the child really wants to be doing, but he literally can’t think of any other way to signal that he is feeling badly. He’s upset. His behavior says, “See what I’ve been exposed to? It’s nasty and disturbing. I’m going to show you how awful it is.” Then, he gives you a vivid picture of what he’s heard at school or on the street. It’s a cry for help.
If you demand that your child stop, and get angry at him for having this difficulty, he may stop out of fear, but the anger and the fear hamper his intelligence. One more experience of harshness makes it even more likely that he will fall into this behavior again soon. Meeting an upset child with harshness just compounds the tension he’s under. It’s not the best way to go, though generations of parents have given that kind of heated response. The child uses the harsh language silently in his mind, stewing with anger, and it all pops out later, having festered. We’ve all had this experience: “Go ahead. Shut me up now. You’ll pay later,” is the bitter attitude that punishment fosters.
On the other hand, reasoning with a child who’s using bad language doesn’t work that well, either. Reasoning can sometimes work to distract a child for a time, but it doesn’t address the emotional tension he’s harboring, the tension that sets the stage for the harsh behavior. That’s the real cause of his troubles, and it’s that tension that needs to be addressed.
But we definitely do not recommend just letting name-calling behavior go unchecked. It’s frightening to children to have their hurtful behavior ignored, and it wears on everyone in the environment. Some response must be found that honors the goodness of the child, but definitely curbs the harshness.
If you react with upset or anger or sudden outbursts, you won’t have much flexibility with your child until you’ve handled your own storehouse of feelings. There are important questions, the answers to which will help you defuse the situation so that you can be of real help to your child.
Find someone who you can ask to listen to you, simply listen, while you talk about what happens inside of you when harsh language is being used. You don’t need advice. You need someone’s supportive and undivided attention while you explore what’s behind the heat that erupts when your child needs help from you.
That heat comes from some tense experience you have carried forward from your own experience. Were you punished harshly for talking that way? Did you see siblings being punished? What kinds of language did your parents use when they became angry? What’s your history with the exact word your child is using that triggers a big response from you? These questions are important, and answering them may put you in touch with how you felt as a child, how you were treated, and with the longings for closeness and belonging that you had. A good cry or a good laugh will help you relax.
Try to remember: your child is going to turn out all right! He needs some guidance, but you don’t have to worry that a few bad word incidents mean he’s on the road to disaster!
When does your child use these words? What kinds of situations? Right when he comes home from school or daycare? When his siblings are playing with his things? Only around a group of children? When you’ve been busy for the last ten minutes? Fifteen minutes? When he faces a transition? Try to figure out what the situations are that make him feel separate, lonely, or disconnected enough to act harshly. There are clues to places where he loses his confidence in the timing of his behavior. For instance, one child I knew only called names when he came into preschool after a group of children had formed around an activity. Entering the group, he must have felt scared that there wasn’t room for him. So he called his friends names! Once you understand the situations that strain your child’s confidence, try offering support. Here are a couple of ways to do that.
Special Time won’t erase the use of harsh language, but it will make the limits you set work to help relieve your child’s frightened or aggressive behavior. You need to stop the harsh language, but with good will toward your child. You don’t have to pull a serious parental power play every time a child uses a harsh word. You DO need to address that behavior, the very first time it appears. But you don’t have to be the bad guy. It works much better if you assume that your child is tender and loving, and is just trapped underneath some unpleasant bad feelings for the moment. To help him get free, try something like one of the following interventions:
• Good naturedly scoop him up in your arms, and say, “Ahhk! I heard that S-word! I heard you say “S-lovely!” Nuzzle him, cuddle him, see if you can get him laughing with the physical affection you offer him.
• Say, “When you say “Stupid!” I say, “Here comes the Stupid sweeper!” Then, be a silly Stupid Sweeper, lumbering around after him with your arms out, in mock fork-lift fashion, attempting to scoop him up in your arms or throw him over your shoulders and bounce him around a bit.
• Say, “Oooh! I’m going to get anybody who says that Stupid word! Here I come!” and chase him around, taking care not to catch him too soon. When you finally succeed, toss him and wrestle him some, affectionately, with warmth.
Why do this? Because your child is signaling that he can’t think–the use of harsh language means that he can’t feel his connections with anyone in the family. Playing with good humor, getting laughter and affection going, tussling and wrestling and chasing in order to make lively contact without trying to punish, helps a child recover the feeling that it’s good to be in the family. Your protest, goofy as it is, sets a model for protesting when he is called names, or when others are called names and you’re not there to moderate the action. The laughter and physical play will help him relax, offload the bad feelings he’s been carrying, and get oriented to being a cooperative member of the family again. Don’t be surprised if he wants to play “the Stupid Game” over and over again: he can feel the healing action of the laughter and the affection you are offering, and he wants to soak up as much of that as he can. He’s trying to recover from the effects of behavior that has rankled his system. His instincts are good!
Often, a good cry is waiting in the wings for a listener.
If there’s sadness or fear stored underneath his use of harsh language, those feelings will burst forth when you tell him it’s time to stop playing the “Stupid Game,” or when you simply reach over, put your arm around him, and say gently, “I can’t let you say those things to me. What happened to make you want to call me Stupid?”
You don’t always need to respond with humor: sometimes, just moving in, offering eye contact and warmth, and a limit, will help him notice how badly he is feeling underneath. His feelings will make him want to run away, or call you more names, or lash out with fists or feet. Stay nearby, keep him from hurting anyone, and follow him if he leaves. He needs you nearby so that he can feel the possibility of connecting with you. He needs a listener.
When the name-calling happened, he was stunned, and probably frightened. He couldn’t tell anyone how he felt. Now, he has you. Now is the time to pour out the upset and confusion and anger he absorbed. He may aim his upset at you. But if he’s crying, perspiring, or thrashing, your listening is a healing force that’s going to relieve the stored tension that’s behind this behavior. He may not cry right when you stop the name-calling, but find a little excuse five minutes later: his noodles have too much cheese on them, or water has spilled onto his shirt. Don’t quibble with the way he began to cry, no matter how trivial it is. It kicks the door open so he can feel the hurt that throbs and bothers. LISTEN. He’s clearing out the emotional roots of the harsh language kick that he’s been on. When someone was calling him names, or calling his friends names, he didn’t protest, he was too frozen or confused to do so. So now, safe with you, he can finish the protest he would have loved to launch, if he had had support while names were being called.
Listen, be patient, keep directing him gently toward looking again at his cheesy noodles, or at the wet spot on his shirt, but leave lots of time for him to have these big feelings first. He’ll get back to functioning when he’s finished, and you’ll see positive changes in his behavior soon.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Mommy I don't like YOU!
You hear it all the time: "Daddy would let me" or "Mommy is never mean to me like you are." So how do you deal with having completely different parenting styles without compromising your values or coming across to your children like you're always "the bad guy?" Here are some tips for establishing your own authority even when the other parent continually gives in to the kids or doesn't subscribe to your style of parenting.
Stay Calm
Whether your children are genuinely expressing a simple observation about your different parenting styles, or are intentionally attempting to manipulate you into giving in to their desires, stay calm and avoid getting into a battle over the validity of your expectations. Remember, too, that your rules aren't necessarily "better" than the other parent's rules--they're just different.
Set Ground Rules
You can make it easier for your children to adjust to varying expectations by being clear about your rules. Sit down and have a family meeting with your children to outline your expectations, and post your ground rules in a clearly visible location, so that you can easily refer to them when needed. In addition, have confidence that your children are capable of learning what is expected of them in dual settings. For the most part, they've already shown that ability by learning what's expected of them at school or daycare, and expecting them to master a different set of rules The question is, is the bar too high for them to reach?
Follow Through
Remember that all of your power as a parent lies in your determination to consistently follow through on your own rules and expectations. When you let things slide, you give your kids a window of opportunity, through which they will be able to manipulate you in the future. As long as you are clear about your expectations, following through with appropriate consequences is not too harsh. On the contrary, that kind of consistency and stability is exactly what your kids need.
Stay Calm
Whether your children are genuinely expressing a simple observation about your different parenting styles, or are intentionally attempting to manipulate you into giving in to their desires, stay calm and avoid getting into a battle over the validity of your expectations. Remember, too, that your rules aren't necessarily "better" than the other parent's rules--they're just different.
Set Ground Rules
You can make it easier for your children to adjust to varying expectations by being clear about your rules. Sit down and have a family meeting with your children to outline your expectations, and post your ground rules in a clearly visible location, so that you can easily refer to them when needed. In addition, have confidence that your children are capable of learning what is expected of them in dual settings. For the most part, they've already shown that ability by learning what's expected of them at school or daycare, and expecting them to master a different set of rules The question is, is the bar too high for them to reach?
Follow Through
Remember that all of your power as a parent lies in your determination to consistently follow through on your own rules and expectations. When you let things slide, you give your kids a window of opportunity, through which they will be able to manipulate you in the future. As long as you are clear about your expectations, following through with appropriate consequences is not too harsh. On the contrary, that kind of consistency and stability is exactly what your kids need.
Terrible 2, Horrible 3 and how about 4???
I guess its time to put up your feet and enjoy the ride, because its going to be awhile before we return to our normal scheduled program.A few weeks ago I took the boys out to dinner to celebrate a dear friends birthday and initially I was going to go solo but because my mom was not available I said, "what the heck I will take them along, Kristian napped and Joshua he will be fine once I get some food into him." I forgot to mention that they have a grandson that is very friendly with Kristian and they get along great. A few weeks ago Kristian and I tagged along to the beach with them and they had a blast. Well the dinner was a nightmare, and again I am sure I was being judged by the folks around us but hey they are just kids right, boys to be more exact!??
So when can I take Kristian to dinner and him not jump in his seat like he has wigglie worms in his pants or ants in his pants? I think for now we will be better off staying at home and enjoying the wilgglie worms with nobody to judge us.
It seems to me that one of the most important things that no one told me about parenthood is that three is worse than two. Everyone is sort of prepared for the Terrible Two’s. Very few of us are ready for what happens next.
But this is the interwebs and I can't see you. So I'm going to tell you the truth. Three is a lot worse than two and here's why:
1. Three is two with intent.
2. The good news is, they can speak. Oh wait did I say good news? Guess who can parrot an overheard curse word perfectly? Except now they can do it understanding the importance of timing.
3. They’re mostly potty trained. Of course that also means that when they crap on the floor, it's even more disgusting and they’ve probably done it on purpose.
4. Their lungs are bigger. Therefore, the tantrums are louder – especially in public. They also are perfectly aware of what annoys and humiliates you. They know... Oh, they know.
5. Little girls get a wee bit emotional at three. Not a lot, just enough to turn your house into a damn telenovela.
6. Little boys act as if destruction and mayhem is their job. More than their job - their duty.
7. All of a sudden – they get picky, picky, picky. After eating macaroni and cheese every other day their whole life, get ready to hear: "Momma. I not gonna eat dese noodles. Dey haf cheese all over dem and dat's GROSS."
8. They're independent and doing more things for themselves, which means that doing anything now takes approximately forever.
9. They're smart. So you can no longer trick them into eating healthy things or playing quietly while you try to gather your shattered nerves. Also, they’re self-aware enough to weigh the consequences and take what’s coming to them. Flooding the bathroom floor is totally worth ten minutes in time out.
10. Are you ready to leave your house? Well, your toddler isn't. Are you ready to walk down the street? Your toddler isn't. Is it time for you to leave the playground? Well, your toddler really, really isn't.
Change for the better... For some, but is it really for him?
So here goes nothing and hopefully child protective services doesn't come knocking on our door. Yesterday was the breaking point for me; got a call from daycare Joshua (6 month old) is not doing well he is very congested and it seems like he is having trouble breathing. How do I break free from an important meeting to go pick him up?? Your asking where is dad... he is cross country on a secret mission for 2 weeks(the story of his life). I finally make it to pickup Joshua and rush him to the doctor thankfully everything was fine but there will be more sleepless nights ahead of me. After I drop him off at home where grandma (mama) waits for him, I go pick up Kristian. And this is where the nightmare begins......
I get there and he says, "no I want mama to pick me up, I don't like you!" What has gotten into this kid, I litterally had to pick him up and cover his mouth so he wouldn't disturb the other children. As I was putting him in the car he is screaming and kicking the crap out of me and accedentally unbuttoned a couple of buttons off my blouse. There was a lady in the parking lot that said, "how dare you treat your child that way," at that point I was frustartaed and all I wanted to do is crawl into bed and cry like a baby, I felt like a terrible mother and that I would never meet anyones standards as a mother. I calmly told her, "you need to mind your own business and focus on your child."
This is where the question presents itself, this past summer we put Kristian in a Montessori Program that I absolutely love but it seems that everyone else including my wonder daycare lady is completely against. We have seen great change in him and the things that he has learned in the past few months is unbelievable but is it really for him??? I understand he is still young and like every other 3 to 4 year old he is full of energy and all he wants to do is goof off have fun. If you are not familuar with the Montesoori program they are pretty rigorious and follow a very strict curriculm. As John would say its a very starile enviornment. I heard from other parents that are actually pulling their children out of the program because they saw set backs in the way they reacted to the program. That is not our case but I want the best for him and want to make sure that he is successful in everything he does.
The teacher calls on a weekly basis to give updates and the only concerns that she had was that he sits to close to the other children and wants to touch everyone. We are pretty touchy feely but sometimes its just toooooo much! How do you tell your 3.5 yr old that they cannot touch other kids and need to maintain distance?? I have tried everything from telling him they need space to they havegerms and we don't want you to get sick.
I know that there is more to what goes on at the school but everyone tells you he is doing great! If I could just be a fly to observer what really goes on, sometimes I feel like attaching a camera to him to see what really goes on. Please don't understand me he actually loves the school after a few weeks of adjusting he has made a lot of new friends. Is it to soon to judge the program? Am I being pressured into taking him out of the program because so many parents are against the Montessori way or should I continue on with my believe and hope things get better?
I get there and he says, "no I want mama to pick me up, I don't like you!" What has gotten into this kid, I litterally had to pick him up and cover his mouth so he wouldn't disturb the other children. As I was putting him in the car he is screaming and kicking the crap out of me and accedentally unbuttoned a couple of buttons off my blouse. There was a lady in the parking lot that said, "how dare you treat your child that way," at that point I was frustartaed and all I wanted to do is crawl into bed and cry like a baby, I felt like a terrible mother and that I would never meet anyones standards as a mother. I calmly told her, "you need to mind your own business and focus on your child."
This is where the question presents itself, this past summer we put Kristian in a Montessori Program that I absolutely love but it seems that everyone else including my wonder daycare lady is completely against. We have seen great change in him and the things that he has learned in the past few months is unbelievable but is it really for him??? I understand he is still young and like every other 3 to 4 year old he is full of energy and all he wants to do is goof off have fun. If you are not familuar with the Montesoori program they are pretty rigorious and follow a very strict curriculm. As John would say its a very starile enviornment. I heard from other parents that are actually pulling their children out of the program because they saw set backs in the way they reacted to the program. That is not our case but I want the best for him and want to make sure that he is successful in everything he does.
The teacher calls on a weekly basis to give updates and the only concerns that she had was that he sits to close to the other children and wants to touch everyone. We are pretty touchy feely but sometimes its just toooooo much! How do you tell your 3.5 yr old that they cannot touch other kids and need to maintain distance?? I have tried everything from telling him they need space to they havegerms and we don't want you to get sick.
I know that there is more to what goes on at the school but everyone tells you he is doing great! If I could just be a fly to observer what really goes on, sometimes I feel like attaching a camera to him to see what really goes on. Please don't understand me he actually loves the school after a few weeks of adjusting he has made a lot of new friends. Is it to soon to judge the program? Am I being pressured into taking him out of the program because so many parents are against the Montessori way or should I continue on with my believe and hope things get better?
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